Counselling in London or online
Siobhan Toner offering individual one-to-one therapy in London or online
I have clients of all ages bringing issues connected to loneliness. Loneliness isn’t about being alone, it’s about being disconnected from others.
This week is loneliness awareness week, explore some of the events here and see if trying something different might help you.
Whether Easter is a deeply spiritual time of hope and resurrection, bunnies and chocolate, a four day weekend, time with family or just another day I wish you a happy Easter.
I’m relieved that the findings in this article on childhood PTSD are being publicised while being desperately sad at the scale of children and young people whose mental health needs are not even being recognised.
I work with may young people who have been through traumatic experiences and also adults who are still suffering from the impact of their childhood trauma.
All of us who work in the field are aware of that cuts in funding to Child and Adolescent Mental Health services and how hard it is for those in need to access services. It’s ironic that this is happening at the same time as more and more research is being done to highlight how many more children and young people need support.
Not dealing with it doesn’t mean the issues go away. They carry on and I have written about this before here. The ACE studies show the life long impact of adverse childhood experiences and many adults are still living with the effects.
These multiple adverse experience are more likely to lead to a form of PTSD called Complex PTSD. When definitions of PTSD were first developed it was for those suffering single event traumas like an accident or war injury. It’s taken a long time for recognition of PTSD in childhood to be caused by abusive situations. For more info on what cPTSD is like I highly recommend this author, Pete Walker.
I have been really moved by this Ted Talk by a woman who had to choose between her daughter and her Church because of her daughters sexuality.
While it brought up sadness and anger that people are still being treated this way by organised religions, the hope and love she demonstrates brought me to tears. There are good people out there, there is an enormous capacity for love. When we connect to it, when we connect to others the power of that is incredible. That makes me hopeful.
The New Year always seems to be a time of reflection and hope to me. I reflect on the year past and hope and dream what the future year will bring, sadly it doesn’t always work out the way we want to.
For me on a personal level events in this last couple of years have meant I found myself reflecting a great deal on the past including things I thought I had dealt with and closed the door on.
The lesson for me is that doors don’t always stay closed and sometimes we have to revisit again and again painful memories.
The most profound thing for me though in that is that each time I process stuff anew, it is a very healing experience. By viewing the past from where I am now – with the support networks and self awareness I have allows me to put events into a different context. While my past will always be a part of me it doesn’t define me, but I also won’t deny it and sometimes it needs some attention and work.
That’s one of the side events of opening up yourself to therapy, once you begin processing, you never really stop. It becomes part of your being. I believe that’s a very powerful part to have.
It means that when the unexpected happens, as it surely will it is a resource we can call on to find a way through. To come out the other side with who we are still intact, even if we have been changed by new experiences.
I hope that whatever 2019 brings you, joys and sadness, fun and challenges that you have the resources to cope, inner resources and the support that comes from honest and loving relationships with friends and/or family.
You may find the following useful over the Christmas period.
The issue of male victims of domestic abuse is beginning to get more attention. Sadly though there is very little support available to them and the very limited number of refuges for them are under threat.
This article gives details of some first hand experiences and the estimated scale of the issue. It claims 1 in 6 men could be a victim in their lifetime. However, this is an estimate as it’s such an under-reported and mis-understood crime.
Sufficient support for all victims of domestic abuse regardless of gender is sadly hard to come by.
I sometimes come across a view point that counselling is only for a certain type of person. While it’s not always specific what that type is maybe you can fill in the blanks for yourself.
It can be that a person comes to counselling because of a series of events but sometimes it is just one unexpected thing that rocks a person so badly they need support to come to terms with where it has left them.
None of us can anticipate or prepare for a day like that. We will get up, get washed and dressed, follow our usual routine or no routine oblivious to the fact that tomorrow morning our lives will be completely different.
The life changing event can take many forms. An error in judgement on our part or someone else’s. stepping out into the road too soon, not applying the brakes quickly enough. Getting on the wrong train. Missing a bus and walking instead. Our lives are full of these possibilities and thankfully they don’t always come to pass.
Sometimes though it’s an event caused maliciously and deliberately or one where someone is working to deflect attention and/or guilt from themselves.
False accusations of sexual abuse can fall into this category. Whatever gender we are, there will be others of any gender who will use these type of allegations for many reasons. To get revenge, to punish someone, to avoid their own feelings of guilt and shame, to convince themselves they aren’t responsible for their own actions.
Whatever the reason, the person accused will never to quite the same. Even when no charges are brought or if the are dismissed at trial, there will always be people who view them with suspicious and believe them guilty.
They will have to find a way in future relationships to share what has happened and run the risk of being judged as well.
Finding a way to reclaim trust in people when it gets shattered is no easy task. It can take a great deal of work and determination to keep trying; to hang onto hope that things will improve; to make yourself vulnerable again.
That’s when people need support.