Tag: Skype Counselling

How long is long enough?

siobhantoner

How long is long enough?

It’s one of the hardest questions to answer from a client. How many sessions do you think I will need?

It’s just like the question how long is a piece of string?

I have worked with people who got what they wanted from one session, others needed years.

I recommend giving the start of therapy six sessions. This six session model has become a bit of a standard. It gives the client and counsellor some time to get to know each other which I believe is the most part of the therapeutic process. There is time to address a specific issue the client wants to focus on and maybe see some results.

I say maybe because it really does depend on the issue. For example, if the client wants to use the space to offload about some work related stuff that is going on, then this can happen.

Some clients have an initial group of sessions and then come back later. E.g. they may want a few techniques for improving their behaviour when they are angry. They can get these and then take some time to put these into practice. They may choose to continue therapy during this process or take and break and come back to explore the results.

There are some issues that clients bring that may have built up over years and may need longer term work. Low self esteem, anxiety, bereavement and depression can take time to work on and it’s impossible to guarantee the outcomes or how long it will take. But there are always exceptions to this and sometimes the six sessions are enough.

It may be that the six sessions are enough for right now and the client may find what they are really looking for is coping mechanisms for the present time so that in the future when they are in a better place they can address more of the underlying issues.

So the answer to the question is no real help I suspect for people. All I can say is that when people commit to the process I have seen real change occur and I believe it is possible for anyone. Give yourself time to heal from the wounds of the past.

Loneliness

siobhantoner

I found this article on loneliness very moving and sad. there are so many lonely people yet it seems harder and harder for us to make meaningful connections with each other.

Its an issue that affects all age groups. I know how distressing it can be for younger people and children not covered by this survey as well who find it hard to learn how to develop social connections in the first place. This then follows them throughout their life.

Its important to acknowledge the difference between being alone and being lonely. An introverted person may be perfectly content with spending a lot of time alone and yet have enough connections in their life to never feel lonely.

An extravert may be surrounded by people at all times yet feel they are missing meaningful intimate connections and feel desperately lonely.

Its a complex social issue that impacts so many of us, but it also gets hidden because of the shame that comes with admitting it. So many of us are pretending that we are ok. Comparing ourselves negatively to others who seem to have it all and not noticing that actually we are not the only ones experiencing it. It takes enormous bravery to say “I am lonely”.

Do you know what makes you happy?

siobhantoner

I’ve been doing some training (as counsellors always do a lot of additional training every year) and came across something called the Easterlin Paradox. It may be something you already know about but the name was new to me.

 

The basic premise is that while some money makes you happier, lots of it doesn’t increase your long term happiness. There are lots of fancy graphs online if you are interested in those but I found it gave me something to reflect on.

What makes me happy? What makes you happy? It may be different for each of us, but how often do we really take the time to explore it?

Giving ourselves the gift of time for self-reflection is such a valuable thing, possibly one of the greatest gifts we can actually give ourselves. Thats one of the things therapy gives us, the space for this self-reflection. To explore our values, what we really want out of life, what enhances our well-being and allows us to live a fulfilled – and happy life.

Why not give yourself that gift?

Reflective practice

siobhantoner

Have you heard of the term reflective practice? For counsellors it is incredibly important and plays a big part of our work.

As counsellors we have duty to provide the best service possible to our clients. You trust us with your inner thoughts and feelings, we have to respect that by ensuring that we give you the best of ourselves.

We have a number of ways to do that. The first comes during our initial training. We explore our own history in detail and attempt to identify our sore spots, the parts of ourselves that are difficult to revisit and cause us pain. This includes our prejudices and why we want to be counsellors.

But as we are only human we have to keep checking into these things and watching out for new things that may come up in our lives.

If a client brings something into a session that we can identify with but haven’t worked on in ourselves that will block the client from being able to deal with it. For example if we have had a bereavement that we are still struggling with we would find it very hard to stay in the clients frame of reference.

So we spend a lot of time reflecting on our practice and the sessions we have with clients to pick up any areas we need to develop. This can start with some initial reflections after each season but we also have supervision.

We are duty bound to our professional organisations to have a minimum of 1.5 hours a month supervision. During this time we look in detail at some of the things coming up in our work to ensure the client is getting the best service we can provide. This can be one to one with a supervisor or in a group environment to get different perspectives. Our clients anonymity is still held in this space, by that I mean that although we may discuss some of the things they bring to sessions they are not identifiable. Confidentially is still covered.

We also engage in a great deal of training each year to ensure we keep are professional knowledge up to date and we are working on the areas that we feel we need to develop. We identify these from our own reflections, from the sort of themes our clients bring and feedback both from clients and those we have supervision with.

All of this effort put into reflective practice means that as counsellors, we are working safely and within our competency levels. It also means that we can identify our limits and recognise when self care is required.

Counselling at London Bridge

siobhantoner

When it came to choosing where to set up an office for my private practice near London Bridge seemed an obvious location to me.

I knew it would be convenient both for clients who live in the area but also those who work locally and commute through the station, both tube and overground.

I was lucky enough to secure premises that I have for Friday afternoon and evening on Borough High street. Not only are they only a few minutes walk from London Bridge,  Borough tube is also very close.

Even more conveniently there is a bus stop right outside the building. Stop H heading south from London Bridge towards the Elephant currently has bus routes 21, 35, 40, 47, 78, 133, 343, C10 stopping at it due to the diversions in place.

The stop for people traveling from the opposite direction is just over the road.

As well as the convenience for clients to travel to therapy, the area offers lots of coffee shops. These can be useful if you arrive early, or need some time afterwards to process the session you have had.

Please contact me if you would like further information.

The impact of childhood trauma

siobhantoner

There is more and more research being done on the long term effects of childhood trauma on mental health issues.

Some of the figures are alarming, especially when you consider how hard it is to for children and young people to get access to the necessary mental heath care in this country. The long term costs on a persons overall health and life expectancy are huge due to trauma.

The following article gives some of the details.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/childhood-trauma-effects-life-expectancy-mental-health-relationships-a7470106.html

Why are people not seeking help?

siobhantoner

I see such conflicted views from people seeking help. Some people seem to feel they don’t really have a problem but they are just checking things out (this usually means there is a problem but they aren’t ready to acknowledge it as such), others know they have a problem but don’t think it is bad enough to warrant much attention.

Other people know there is a lot going on, but for one reason or another they are just not ready to commit the time it takes to work on it and others seem to believe it can all be solved in just one session.

All of these experience show how confusing it can be be when people do reach out for counselling, the article below explores more about those I never hear from.

The bottom line is there is still a lot of misunderstanding about what counselling is and what it can achieve.

It is hard work. It can at times be very upsetting and mean revisiting painful emotions and experiences in our life. By doing that we can view them from a different perspective with an impartial person accompanying the journey.

This process can take a short time or a long time, it depends on so many factors.

But if there is something going on for you that you are not happy with, then what is holding you back from trying to change it?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/29/many-people-still-scared-seeking-help-mental-health/?platform=hootsuite

How to pick a counsellor

siobhantoner

Have you every wondered how to choose a counsellor when there are so many to pick from?

If you just start searching, the list is going to be overwhelming as there are a lot of us out there.

Firstly, its worth considering how you want to work. Face to face is what you may be expected but more and more of us now also offer sessions online. This is usually a video chat, but can also be just audio or text based.

If you want to work face to face, I would recommend searching by a location that is convenient for you. Therapy can be difficult and hard work, do you really want to spend a lot of energy travelling as well? Obviously, this will depend on your location. I’m based in London so there are a lot of counsellors to choose from all across the city. Even here though, I would think about how easy it is for you to get there. I am close to London Bridge station and also in Catford and offer appointments in the afternoon and evening so people who are travelling home from work can come to me without hopefully too much additional hassle.

If you want to work online, you will need to search for a counsellor who offers that. You can search for Skype, but also just search for online counselling or online therapy as there are other platforms that can be used.

You may have a specific issue you want to work on such as bereavement or addiction. Most counsellors advertise a list of issues they have most experience of working on and some may have had additional training and specialised in certain fields such as sex therapy.

Do you know what type of counselling you want? It might be useful to compare some of the main types. I would split these in to 3 for ease but there are a lot more.

  1. Psychodynamic is broadly the media image of counselling in that it is built on Sigmund Freuds work and focus’s a lot of childhood and its impact in the present.
  2. Person Centred is part of the humanistic group of therapies and was created by Carl Rogers. This is the way I practice and it is based on the here and now. The relationship between the client and counsellor is key and is founded on the idea that the client is the expert in their own stuff while the counsellor is the facilitator providing a safe environment that the client can work in.
  3. Behavioural Therapies of which CBT is probably the best know work on the principal that thoughts impact feelings which impact behaviour which impact thoughts and so on. By intervening at the thoughts stage and re-enforcing new thoughts then the clients feelings and behaviour will change.

Different clients will be drawn to a style that will suit them in the same way that counsellor’s are. Some therapists will define them as integrative which means they work with two of more different styles. They will usually say which ones they use.

So, you have an idea of where you want to see a counsellor, and the type of counsellor and the specialism if needed and have searched online and still found lots of results. How can you narrow it down?

The next thing that is import is to check that your counsellor is a member of a professional body. There a number of different bodies that the professional standards authority recognises in the UK and it is important that your counsellor is one of these.

I am a registered member of the largest one, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and you can check I appear on their register here.

But still, after all these checks it is going to be down to something else. While I and a lot of other counsellors try and give you a sense of ourselves in our websites and via our blogs its not always truly possible to express ourselves through that medium. 

If you narrow your list down to a few counsellors you might find it helps to contact all of them. See what sort of response you get back and if you can get some time with them on the phone or online for face to face to see if you feel comfortable with them. 

I offer a free 30 minute introductory session for this very reason. I understand clients need to check out how we get on. It helps both of us check out your expectations for therapy and if I am able to help you with them.

I know it may all sound quite daunting with lots of what ifs and maybes but it is worth persevering. Once your find your counselling then growth can occur and the sky’s the limit.

Social Anxiety and counselling

siobhantoner

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety can be a crippling condition for those who experience it.

Can you imagine what it’s like to try and anticipate every social interaction you have, from the person you walk past in the street, to the man on the bus sitting next to you, to the woman in the shop. Not only are you anticipating what they might say but also what they think of you and what you could say to make them think differently and what they might then do and how you will look and what will they think of your voice and ….. breathe

Breathe

The thoughts have got out of control. It’s as though they have taken on a life of their own. You don’t want to be like this, but you are trapped.

Suffers may find it’s different groups of people or situations that trigger the anxiety and the thoughts. Having to give a presentation or a big meeting at work.

But it can just as easily be a casual invitation to a pub for a night out with friends.

Social interactions

If you are friends with someone who is suffering this, you may not realise just how hard it might be for them. They want to be with you, but sometimes their thoughts stop that happening. They want to have fun and relax in your company, but it isn’t always possible. If it feels sometimes like they aren’t being the friend you want, please don’t assume you don’t mean much to them. It might be because you mean so much, that your opinion is so valued that they worry about letting you down.

It can be really hard to get to know someone with social anxiety as they may be so busy trying to be who you want them to be that who they are gets lost. Or their thoughts will stop them being able to show you who they really are as they might be telling them how uninteresting and boring they are compared to you.

How to improve social anxiety

The thing is things can improve, the horrible irony is that it may mean doing the thing that they find most difficult which is engaging with someone new. Those first steps to contact a counsellor might be agonising.

And make no mistake, counselling can help. It’s not a magic bullet, it’s not going to wash all the problems away. But the experience of giving voice to anxiety with (hopefully) a therapist who is empathic, congruent and non-judgemental can help ease them. Being accepted, having your anxiety accepted is a good place to start finding ways to reduce it.

If you want to contact me but are finding it difficult to take that first step, just use the contact form or click the email button and mention social anxiety. I will understand how hard that has been for you and will get back to you as soon as possible.