Tag: Counsellor SE6

Are you afraid to let the light in?

siobhantoner

Do you find there are times when it can be hard to be anything but your suffering? I know I experience that.

Today I came across this quote and I found it so moving. Our wounds are painful and reminders of what we have been through, but they can be so much more. I identify the light as empathy. The ability and willingness to sit with someone else pain and to help them come to terms with it. To be able to reach deep understanding of others in a non-judgemental way. Without my own wounds I wouldn’t I don’t think I would have developed this ability to the extent I have.

What is your light?

Imposter syndrome

siobhantoner

This article describes really well what happens with imposter syndrome.

In my experience it is very linked to emotional abuse; not just from parents and guardians but also siblings.

Siblings who resent the attention that another sibling gets can cause great damage with their jealously. When you end up feeling insecure and paranoid because of doing well at something it doesn’t help you grow into a confident and secure adult.

Hyperviligance

siobhantoner

I really like this video on hypervigilance as it explains it far better than I ever could.

So much of anxiety is rooted in not feeling safe, even when we haven’t been able to recognise that is what is going on.

It takes work to ease the symptoms and reduce them. Of course, the paradox is that the more useful it may be to find a counsellor the hard it is to reach out to one.

I know how difficult first contact is. How difficult it is to express what your struggles are. I hope you can find the strength to get in touch so we can work on your resilience together.

Gas lighting

siobhantoner

Gas lighting takes away a persons ability to trust in reality and they can end up blaming themselves for the appalling behaviour of another person.

“If I was better/smarter/slimmer/kinder/quieter/cleverer/etc then they wouldn’t be so upset and frustrated with me”.

Other people can get pulled into it as well and can see the victim in the way the perpetrators wants them to so they miss the abuse that is happening.

This isn’t limited to gender roles either, despite the most common examples being reported as men abusing women. It also isn’t limited to partners; its a form of abuse that can occur with any type of relationship. Family, friends, work. I have worked with sibling abuse in this form and also adults who were raised by parents who did this.

It takes the victim time and space to trust their own perceptions again; to stop self blaming. They may never heal completely, but it is possible to bring about a lot of change.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/gaslighting-and-how-can-it-change-a-victims-perception-of-reality-domestic-abuse-violence-a7347781.html

Loneliness

siobhantoner

I found this article on loneliness very moving and sad. there are so many lonely people yet it seems harder and harder for us to make meaningful connections with each other.

Its an issue that affects all age groups. I know how distressing it can be for younger people and children not covered by this survey as well who find it hard to learn how to develop social connections in the first place. This then follows them throughout their life.

Its important to acknowledge the difference between being alone and being lonely. An introverted person may be perfectly content with spending a lot of time alone and yet have enough connections in their life to never feel lonely.

An extravert may be surrounded by people at all times yet feel they are missing meaningful intimate connections and feel desperately lonely.

Its a complex social issue that impacts so many of us, but it also gets hidden because of the shame that comes with admitting it. So many of us are pretending that we are ok. Comparing ourselves negatively to others who seem to have it all and not noticing that actually we are not the only ones experiencing it. It takes enormous bravery to say “I am lonely”.

Sexual assault in College and University

siobhantoner

The new year is starting and thousands of young people are going away to University and College for the first time. This should be a exciting, nervous and hopefully fun and rewarding time.

Sadly though there will be a lot of people who will suffer sexual assault. This article has the staggering statistic that 3 in 5 are assaulted or harassed. Revolt Sexual Assault is a UK based charity working to expose the scale and campaign for change. You will also find a list of support organisation for those who need it on their website.

Male domestic abuse

siobhantoner

Its so important that male victims of domestic abuse are finally getting more attention in the news. This article details some of the statistics and difficulties men have accessing support due to how limited the resources are to help them.

It also has a link to an program that will be available on iPlayer from tomorrow and I am keen to watch that as well when it is released.

I am affiliated with an organisation, MenCASA which promotes awareness and training in this area for therapists. It also is a resource for clients to use to be able to find a counsellor to work with who will take their experiences seriously.

What are the benefits of online counselling

siobhantoner

Are you thinking about having therapy online but are not sure about if its right for you and don’t understand how it works?

Below are some of the benefits which may apply to you but firstly:

how does it work?

You will need to make some choices on how you want to engage with your therapist. It can be a video call where you see each other or an audio call. Alternatively you can go text-based like having a conversation on a chat application which will still be in real time.

The benefits

Making this choice is one of the first benefits, you can choose what makes you more comfortable. Some people are distracted by video calls and very self-conscious so prefer an audio call. Others have slower connection speed which means they prefer audio or messages. Others prefer message based because they find it very hard to talk about their issues and this makes it easier for them. I have clients who have chosen different ones for these reasons.

You may be one of the many people ok with meeting their counsellor face to face in their office, but you may also be one of those who finds it very hard and it may be stopping you accessing counselling in the first place. Working online means you are able to choose where you are, usually at home, so it can be a lot more comfortable. Being in a more comfortable place can make it easier for you to talk about what is worrying you.

You may be one of the clients who need one of the biggest benefits, convenience. Not having to travel to and from the counsellor’s office can save a lot of time. You may not live or work very close to a counsellor or be in a small community where seeing a local counsellor wouldn’t feel comfortable.

As well as the travel convenience, scheduling a regular weekly slot can be hard for some people due to other commitments. Therefore, for people working shifts, evenings and different patterns each week or have to be in different location this might be the only way you can get to see a counsellor.

Next steps

As a way of working, it’s still relatively new to a lot of people but try it. You might find it is the best way for you. Get in touch and we can schedule a trial session.

Suicide

siobhantoner

If you have ever felt suicidal yourself, been impacted by someone else’s suicidal ideation or just want to understand more about suicide then I recommend this podcast.

What is clear from the work they are doing is that suicide can be preventable if help is asked for. Obviously not everyone will have a health service that is following this model yet, but I hope the work they are doing is adopted by others.

Please contact the https://www.samaritans.org or your local healthcare services if you are immediate need of support.