Counselling in London or online
Siobhan Toner offering individual one-to-one therapy in London or online
In my experience showing vulnerability is incredibly difficult for clients and I am always honoured when they share this with me.
When a facade, a mask has been carefully constructive to help cope with the difficulties life has brought to a person, it takes enormous courage to let someone see behind it.
To trust a professional with that can be the first step to finding a way to bring down the mask that is no longer needed for protection.
“Not too good actually, not good at all”
Walking through the station today I overheard someone saying this into their phone.
I don’t know the context or what was going on as I moved passed and didn’t hear anything else but I was really struck by the statement.
How often do we really tell the truth when it isn’t very good? This could have been about anything, an interview, work, physical or mental health, relationships or life itself.
So we don’t admit what is really going on. And when we hold back we create a barrier between us and them. Sometimes this is necessary, but what if this barrier is a hindrance? If we can show our vulnerability to our nearest and dearest, how near are they truly?
Coming to therapy may be the first time the client really admits to the things that are not good. Finding the words can be a struggle and take time if they have spent a lot of their time not sharing it.
It can leave us feeling incredible vulnerable to admit that things aren’t going the way we would like them to be. My experience though is that it’s an enormous step in bringing about change. Not all relationship can adjust to it, but those they do are often deeper and much more fulfilling.
This article, where Prince Harry talks about his delayed grief over his Mother is very moving. He talks about the consequences of not dealing with his feelings at the time and the impact of that in later life.
By having counselling, he has found a space to explore that grief and found a way finally to process it.
In my experience, buried feelings always have an impact on how we live our lives, even decades later. Not everyone wants to address them and they find a way to cope, but for others it is a way to heal and live a more fulfilled life. That’s certainly what it sounds like Prince Harry has found.
I don’t know if this increase in police calls related to mental health is due to underfunding or something else.
What I do know is that there are a lot of people around this country needing support that they are finding hard to access. Not everyone can afford to pay for private therapy, but for many there isn’t much alternative. Like most therapists I keep my prices as low as possible as I understand its not easy for everyone to fund.
It may seem expensive to you as the client and you may wonder why it is so high. However we have a lot of costs you won’t be aware off that the session fee goes towards. Insurance, membership body fees, advertising and ongoing professional development are all necessary. If you are seeing me or another counsellor in there office, there are additional rental costs which will take a big percentage of the session fee.
If the fees are still too high for you, try and explore what low cost counselling is available in your area. Training institutions usually provide a service with their trainees, specialist charities and in some cases the NHS and Local Authorities. They will all be assessing need and may well have waiting lists sadly.
Are you thinking about having therapy online but are not sure about if its right for you and don’t understand how it works?
Below are some of the benefits which may apply to you but firstly:
You will need to make some choices on how you want to engage with your therapist. It can be a video call where you see each other or an audio call. Alternatively you can go text-based like having a conversation on a chat application which will still be in real time.
Making this choice is one of the first benefits, you can choose what makes you more comfortable. Some people are distracted by video calls and very self-conscious so prefer an audio call. Others have slower connection speed which means they prefer audio or messages. Others prefer message based because they find it very hard to talk about their issues and this makes it easier for them. I have clients who have chosen different ones for these reasons.
You may be one of the many people ok with meeting their counsellor face to face in their office, but you may also be one of those who finds it very hard and it may be stopping you accessing counselling in the first place. Working online means you are able to choose where you are, usually at home, so it can be a lot more comfortable. Being in a more comfortable place can make it easier for you to talk about what is worrying you.
You may be one of the clients who need one of the biggest benefits, convenience. Not having to travel to and from the counsellor’s office can save a lot of time. You may not live or work very close to a counsellor or be in a small community where seeing a local counsellor wouldn’t feel comfortable.
As well as the travel convenience, scheduling a regular weekly slot can be hard for some people due to other commitments. Therefore, for people working shifts, evenings and different patterns each week or have to be in different location this might be the only way you can get to see a counsellor.
As a way of working, it’s still relatively new to a lot of people but try it. You might find it is the best way for you. Get in touch and we can schedule a trial session.
If you have ever felt suicidal yourself, been impacted by someone else’s suicidal ideation or just want to understand more about suicide then I recommend this podcast.
What is clear from the work they are doing is that suicide can be preventable if help is asked for. Obviously not everyone will have a health service that is following this model yet, but I hope the work they are doing is adopted by others.
Please contact the https://www.samaritans.org or your local healthcare services if you are immediate need of support.
What gets in the way of you being kind?
I’ve written before about privilege and how important it is to recognise what privilege each of us have. How often do we really listen to those who don’t have the same privilege? As a white woman I have privilege that woman of colour don’t. I have never had to change my name or loose my language to fit into a society that is dominated by white ideals.
This article moved me a great deal as it is very clear how far we have to go.
The impact of receiving kindness is huge. When did you last experience it?
This article has some interesting points on social anxiety. I’m particularly pleased to see mention of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as I recently underwent some training on this.
Even though I am a person centred counsellor and ACT is a variant of CBT I found some elements of the training really useful.
Firstly, as the article say “The fundamental premise of ACT, then, is that you don’t try to squash your feelings but are able to notice and accept them while committing yourself to a pathway toward change.” Acceptance of ones feelings is very compatible with the Person Centred Approach (PCA). The more aware we are of them the more we can accept them and ACT has a strong element of mindfulness and self-awareness.
The other part of the training I had that I found very useful was to focus on what our values are. For each of us as individuals, we have the values we are expected to have but don’t always focus on what is truly most important to us. For an individual with social anxiety, they may realise that it isn’t interfering in what they hold most dear, only with what they think they “should” hold most dear.
Noticing our true feelings and accepting them can be hard, yet it can also be liberating if we can avoid the “should’s” that we tend to carry with us.