Tag: Counsellor Borough High Street

Gender diversity

siobhantoner

This article with the words of a non binary 10 year old is brilliant.

Its clear and straightforward but the final quotes struck me as so important, not just when dealing with gender diversity but life in general.

Just image how society would be if everyone followed this rule

I don’t need people to understand.

I just need people not to be rude.

Domestic Abuse

siobhantoner

Living in a home with domestic violence creates long term problems for all. Its not always as obvious as physical acts of violence; there are other more subtle ways to control and terrorise.

This article about two Brothers whose Father murdered their Mother and Sister describes their experience. What strikes me is that as is often the case the article quotes a neighbour describing the murderer as “a nice guy”. When I  read about these cases I nearly always find quotes like this, as though their behaviour is so out of character.

Whether it is a case that has ended in murder or not, so many people want to make excuses for the abuser. Too often the victim is blamed. Either they are not believed at all or they are deemed as responsible for “provoking” the abuser. Outsiders who haven’t lived in the home feel they have a right to comment in defence.

The reality is domestic abusers are often skilled manipulators. Friends and acquaintances are also being manipulated by them. Its often only those closest to them who may know the real people.

Therefore, don’t be fooled by a stereotype of what you think an abuser looks like. They aren’t all addicts and out of control people brawling in the street. They can be anyone, at any level of society. From the person serving you coffee to the bank manager, to your next door neighbour… to your friend…. to your family. And they won’t always be men either.

Loss and Bereavement

siobhantoner

There are many different types of bereavement, the losses that we feel grief over are more than just when people we care about die.

Sometimes people leave us. This can be family, for example when a parent or sibling leaves the family home we can be left feeling abandoned. Our friendship groups may break apart, this is very noticeable in school but it can happen at any age. We may separate with romantic partners and feel a great lose due to that.

Other types of loses can also be incredibly hard to cope with. The loss of a home – this can be due to poverty, breakdown of relationships or a secondary bereavement when a loved one dies.

The loss of innocence can be very traumatic if it comes through abuse. This can also link to being a victim of other types of crimes like a mugging or burglary, where we can loose a sense of safety in our surrounding.

The loss of a job through redundancy can be very upsetting as it can challenge our sense of self, our purpose in the world and our self esteem.

The loss of health, having to adjust to a future without the health we may have taken for granted up to then.

All these are examples of loss and bereavement, all these losses can have long term psychological impacts and we may grieve for what has been lost or the future we thought we were going to have.

What losses have you experienced?