Tag: Counselling SE6

Support after bereavement by murder

siobhantoner

There are so many terrible headlines at the moment about violence and murder, not just in London but across the country.

What they don’t really show is the impact of these crimes on extended families and friends. Loosing someone you know by a murder is devastating, even if it’s an acquaintance. It is so much worse for the families and loved ones.

How do you explain it to children and young people. How do you support them through the ongoing process of trying to make sense of something so senseless? How do you support them when you need support yourself?

There is a fantastic organisation, Winstons Wish which supports bereaved children and their families. They also have a whole section dedicated to resources when the bereavement is due to murder or manslaughter.

One in Four

siobhantoner

I came across this very interesting article about the frequently used statistic that one on four of us have issues with mental health.

We get so caught up in categorising mental health issues that we sometimes forget that we all have mental health. At times for some of us it it robust and resilient and for others it isn’t and needs support.

We are all impacted by the human condition and events that can cause us distress. There shouldn’t be stigma in needing support at such times.

Loneliness Awareness Week

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I have clients of all ages bringing issues connected to loneliness. Loneliness isn’t about being alone, it’s about being disconnected from others.

This week is loneliness awareness week, explore some of the events here and see if trying something different might help you.

Childhood PTSD

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I’m relieved that the findings in this article on childhood PTSD are being publicised while being desperately sad at the scale of children and young people whose mental health needs are not even being recognised.

I work with may young people who have been through traumatic experiences and also adults who are still suffering from the impact of their childhood trauma.

All of us who work in the field are aware of that cuts in funding to Child and Adolescent Mental Health services and how hard it is for those in need to access services. It’s ironic that this is happening at the same time as more and more research is being done to highlight how many more children and young people need support.

Not dealing with it doesn’t mean the issues go away. They carry on and I have written about this before here. The ACE studies show the life long impact of adverse childhood experiences and many adults are still living with the effects.

These multiple adverse experience are more likely to lead to a form of PTSD called Complex PTSD. When definitions of PTSD were first developed it was for those suffering single event traumas like an accident or war injury. It’s taken a long time for recognition of PTSD in childhood to be caused by abusive situations. For more info on what cPTSD is like I highly recommend this author, Pete Walker.

LGBTQ+ and religion

siobhantoner

I have been really moved by this Ted Talk by a woman who had to choose between her daughter and her Church because of her daughters sexuality.

While it brought up sadness and anger that people are still being treated this way by organised religions, the hope and love she demonstrates brought me to tears. There are good people out there, there is an enormous capacity for love. When we connect to it, when we connect to others the power of that is incredible. That makes me hopeful.

Male abuse victims

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The issue of male victims of domestic abuse is beginning to get more attention. Sadly though there is very little support available to them and the very limited number of refuges for them are under threat.

This article gives details of some first hand experiences and the estimated scale of the issue. It claims 1 in 6 men could be a victim in their lifetime. However, this is an estimate as it’s such an under-reported and mis-understood crime.

Sufficient support for all victims of domestic abuse regardless of gender is sadly hard to come by.

False accusations

siobhantoner

I sometimes come across a view point that counselling is only for a certain type of person. While it’s not always specific what that type is maybe you can fill in the blanks for yourself.

It can be that a person comes to counselling because of a series of events but sometimes it is just one unexpected thing that rocks a person so badly they need support to come to terms with where it has left them.

None of us can anticipate or prepare for a day like that. We will get up, get washed and dressed, follow our usual routine or no routine oblivious to the fact that tomorrow morning our lives will be completely different.

The life changing event can take many forms. An error in judgement on our part or someone else’s. stepping out into the road too soon, not applying the brakes quickly enough. Getting on the wrong train. Missing a bus and walking instead. Our lives are full of these possibilities and thankfully they don’t always come to pass.

Sometimes though it’s an event caused maliciously and deliberately or one where someone is working to deflect attention and/or guilt from themselves.

False accusations of sexual abuse can fall into this category. Whatever gender we are, there will be others of any gender who will use these type of allegations for many reasons. To get revenge, to punish someone, to avoid their own feelings of guilt and shame, to convince themselves they aren’t responsible for their own actions.

Whatever the reason, the person accused will never to quite the same. Even when no charges are brought or if the are dismissed at trial, there will always be people who view them with suspicious and believe them guilty.

They will have to find a way in future relationships to share what has happened and run the risk of being judged as well. 

Finding a way to reclaim trust in people when it gets shattered is no easy task. It can take a great deal of work and determination to keep trying; to hang onto hope that things will improve; to make yourself vulnerable again. 

That’s when people need support.

Male domestic abuse

siobhantoner

Trigger warning – the linked article contains details of domestic abuse

This article is a very clear at detailing the impact of long term domestic abuse. It documents both physical and emotional abuse over a significant period of time. The toll it took on the victim, not just while they were with their partner by the psychological impact they have experienced ever since.

The victim in this case is male, the perpetrator female. This is a form of abuse that is still not as recognised by society and the scale of if is I believe still significantly under-reported.

Even the victims can find it incredibly hard to name what is happening to them as abuse. How society views maleness and what a man should be like can make it even harder for them to seek help as they can be mocked and vilified for “letting” this happen to them.

I am affiliated with Mencasa which aims to help you find a suitable therapist with experience in this area. Please get in touch if you need it.

Young peoples mental health

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Have you seen the latest NHS Report on Mental Health in Young People?

Some keys points for me are:

  • One in seven I14.4%) of 11 to 16 year olds were identified with a mental disorder. One in sixteen (6.2%) met the criteria for two or more mental disorders.
  • Of these, the most common are emotional disorders, present in 9.0%. Then behaviour disorders at 6.2%.
  • While between 11-16, girls and boys were equally likely to have a disorder, girls were more likely to have an emotional disorder and boys a behavioural or hyperactivity disorder.
  • Between the ages of 17-19 about one is six (16.9%) had a mental disorder. 
  • However, young women of this age are a high risk group as it was found that nearly one in four (23.9%) had some type of mental disorder, 22.4% had an emotional disorder. 
  • Half (52.7%) of young women with a disorder reported having self-harmed or made a suicide attempt. 
  • The results are further broken down into sexual identity, ethnic group, socioeconomics and social and family context and other factors. 

Adverse Life Events

The report states that “children with a mental disorder were that likely than those without one to have experience certain types of adversity in their lives, like parental separation or financial crisis at home.”

I have written many times about the impact of adversity childhood experiences and this report shows again how significant they can be. What is also worrying is the one in five of the children in the survey waited over six months for contact with a mental health specialist. This is unacceptable when the risk of self-harm and suicide in these children and young people is greatly increased by having a disorder. 

We as a society need to do more.