Why do so many people struggle with seeing their family en masse? It’s most noticeable during holiday events or special occasions one of which is Christmas which isn’t far away.
Gathering together members of the family gives a space for all the old patterns of behaviour to be played out again. All the unresolved issues are brought back to the surface and we witness the intergenerational trauma.
Siblings may revert to their childhood roles that their parents allocated for them, even if that was decades ago. Their parents fail to see the adults they have become and treat them as they perceived them in the past.
Grandchildren see their own parents behaving or being treated very differently and this influences how they relate to their parents. Not just during the time frame they are all together but moving onward.
There are two strands for us to consider when thinking about Intergenerational trauma. One generation that has not been able to process their trauma in a healthy way can pass it on to the next generation through their behaviour and causing more trauma to them and they repeating the cycle to the next. It can flow on for many generations causing more and more damage and dysfunction.
However, there is also research being done on how this affects our genes. This is called Epigenetic’s and is the study of how environments and events can affect how our bodies read and responds to our DNA without changing the DNA sequence itself. The research is exploring if traumatic events in one generation get passed down through the generations that come other in how we respond to certain triggers and stimuli.
This article gives more details of what this means and the types of research that is being undertaken.
Whether its just behaviour or epigenetic’s also plays a part, there is no doubt that breaking the cycle of intergeneration trauma is hard but necessary work.
Healing is a process that starts with acknowledging that there is something not right. What it ends up as is going to be different for everyone and its not always helpful to have an idea or compare to others as this can lead to a sense of failure rather than achievement and self-compassion.
Before this holiday season starts, are you already dreading what may happens and being with your family for an extended period of time? Is this the time to acknowledge that something isn’t right?
