Category: Opinion

Spending Christmas Day alone

siobhantoner

Are you finding the thought of Christmas day difficult because you are going to be spending it alone?

For years on Twitter there is a hashtag #joinin which was started by the comedian Sarah Millican . It was aimed aimed specifically at people who will be alone to give them people to talk to on Christmas day who are in the same situation. She said last year she was stepping down from it but hoped the hashtag would continue. With the demise of Twitters user base and rise of other platforms like BlueSky and Threads I hope the community that needs to find each other can do that this year.

Social media can be a great way to connect such as the twitter hashtag above, but it can also be something that makes us unhappy. This article has an interesting take on how Facebook lurking just makes us more dissatisfied if we believe everyone else is having a much better time than us. If you can’t use it to connect with people, how about having a break from it on Christmas day so you don’t put pressure on yourself on what it is supposed to be?

I wish you all the best over the next few days and hope you find some peace and joy, whatever your current circumstance.

Not such a great time of the year

siobhantoner

There is a lot of celebrating going on around us at this time of year, but what if you aren’t part of that?

There are many reasons that you may be finding the festivities hard to cope with. One of those is bereavement, either a recent one or one that happened at this time of year in the past. Cruse have put together the graphic at the bottom of the page which you may find useful.

But there are other reasons; you may be suffering from an illness that makes it hard to feel like celebrating. This could be a mental health illness or one that gives you physical pain.

You might be estranged from family members and all the talk of family gatherings make it hard for you to join in the happiness because of your own emotions.

Your children may not be spending Christmas with you as they are with their other parent or your family is in another country.

You may be lonely and feel you don’t have anyone to spend the holiday with.

There are always organisations open to offer you crisis help if you need it, the most well know is the Samaritans who are there to talk if you need it.

Maybe what you need is to plan to change something longer term and are thinking about therapy. This might be the time to initiate that, please feel free to contact me if that is the case.

To all those people who are finding it tough this year I hope you find some solace and find some peace despite what is going on for you.

Long term impacts of trauma, post Covid

siobhantoner

I’ve recently revisited a post I wrote many years ago on privilege, adverse childhood experiences to update the links in it.

It made me sad to think about it as it as I realised all the research and statistics were from before we had ever heard of Covid. Surely now in the future living through a pandemic will count as an adverse childhood experience on its own, which means the rate of those with the higher numbers that lead to more difficult longer term outcomes will increase substantially. That doesn’t count those children who have experience loss of loved ones or significant separations due to hospitalisations.

All those who have been children over the last 5 years have a much higher risk of mental and physical health conditions in adulthood and shorter life expectancy. I was aware of how hard it has been but revisiting the older research has really brought it home to me.

There are things that can done to help mitigate the risk, both within families and communities but the most significant health is going to be systematic which is driven by governments. The CDC page has some details of the types of things that can help . I’ve been looking for and updates on information from the UK since Covid and haven’t been able to find it. I think we all are aware that support for early years and funding has been drastically reduced since 2008/2009. Without investment back into these areas there is only so much individuals can do.

When anxiety goes global

siobhantoner

I first published this post in November 2016. I feel it is still very relevant now in November 2024.

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This morning the news and social media shows me so much anxiety about the changes to come over the next few months.

What is it about change and this change in particular that is causing this level of concern?

Change is always a step into the unknown. It takes us out of the comfort of the familiar and predicable. But even that is an illusion as nothing is truly fixed. The world we live in is fluid and changes with every breathe but to acknowledge that can be terrifying. How could we function if we wondered what would happen every second? How could we achieve anything?

So we ground ourselves in the familiar, the routine, the predicable and it comforts us and makes us feel safe. For those already prone to suffering from anxiety, this isn’t easy anyway and it can be exhausting.

And then something as big as todays news happens. There is something about it that shows a level of change that really makes it hard to hide in the comfort zone. It was the same with the result of the Brexit referendum that many people are still struggling with in the UK.

I am trying to work out what the real anxiety is, is it really to do with the change that is coming as politicians come and go yet this feels very different.

I don’t have an answer but some of the things that are coming to mind are around vulnerability.

One person we will never meet on the other side of the world has the potential to have a huge impact on each of our lives. That is a scary thought, that we are so vulnerable. How can we be in control of our own destinies if that is the case?

If that person has very different values to us, what is going to happen? Do we have the resources to stand up for our values in the face of that sort of opposition? Where would our safety and security be then?

How do we live with people with different values to us? If the power in the world is held by white, straight, Christian males who appear to promote values that show anyone who isn’t the same as them becomes the “other” and the “other” is of less value what happens to those of us who don’t fit the categories? How many others in the world around us hold those views. How safe is that world?

So we feel vulnerable. And that leaves us anxious.

And today a lot of people are extremely anxious.

Protecting your mental health

siobhantoner

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the current health crisis is affecting or will impact all our mental health.

I’ve found myself thinking about it more and more and worrying about what I should or shouldn’t do. I’ve also notice I’ve been having dreams that I am a lot more anxious during and after when I wake up.

It is bound to have an impact but we can all do things to help support our mental wellbeing. This article has some useful tips.

Putting some of these into practice will take time and persistence, however, the benefits may be very valuable.

Self care may not always be easy, but I wish you well with it.

How do you know your counsellor is qualified?

siobhantoner

The BBC news website published an interesting article about counsellors this week. The titles, counsellor, therapist, psychotherapist are not protected. This means that anyone can advertising themselves as one regardless of their qualifications.

This is why therapists like myself who have studied on courses that meet the requirements of a membership body usually mention this on their website. To give clients more confidence in our experience and professionalism.

I am a member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). If you wanted to check that, you can search for my name on their register.

It is voluntary to be a member of one of these bodies. However, the majority of counsellors choose to join one. The governments Professional Standards Register recommends you choose a counsellor who is a member of one of a number of bodies and the list can be found here.

One in Four

siobhantoner

I came across this very interesting article about the frequently used statistic that one on four of us have issues with mental health.

We get so caught up in categorising mental health issues that we sometimes forget that we all have mental health. At times for some of us it it robust and resilient and for others it isn’t and needs support.

We are all impacted by the human condition and events that can cause us distress. There shouldn’t be stigma in needing support at such times.

Loneliness Awareness Week

siobhantoner

I have clients of all ages bringing issues connected to loneliness. Loneliness isn’t about being alone, it’s about being disconnected from others.

This week is loneliness awareness week, explore some of the events here and see if trying something different might help you.

Easter

siobhantoner

Whether Easter is a deeply spiritual time of hope and resurrection, bunnies and chocolate, a four day weekend, time with family or just another day I wish you a happy Easter.